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I need it. I want it, but I need it. I need to feel comfortable with myself. I don’t know how. I crave attention, but don’t want to be looked at. I lust for sex, but don’t want to be touched. Sometimes I can hardly touch myself through how I feel about me. What do I do? I don’t know how to fix it. Help!?  Ugh.
Ok, now that that’s off my chest, I didn’t actually touch the “new post” button to talk about my body…. at least not like that. I had a couple of dreams yesterday. Both had sexual undertones, and that is not typical for me. One was about someone I had only vaguely thought about in “that way” once or twice then shook it off. And now, I can’t shake it off.
I dreamt that he and I were at some kind of concert or convention (there were a lot of loud people an do don’t like being around a lot of loud people). He was the only person I saw there that I knew, and vice verse. So we started hanging out. When it was over we were still standing around just talking to each other. Somehow we got close, close enough that I could feel his breath on me, I could sense his desire, it gave me goose bumps and made me wet. Then, he kissed me, and it shook my world. Then I was in his car and it was moving, he held my hand and smiled at me. Then, he took me home, kissed me again, and left. So, all I could think about when I woke up was him. I’ve thought about him all fucking day long. Even with the other dream mixed in I’m still stuck on that one. I don’t know if it was the kiss. If it was the dirty, filthy, naughty things I wanted to do to him. Or the fact that no matter how bad I could ever want him, he would NEVER want me. I just don’t think I’m his type, and that kinda kills a small part of me. In the dream he seemed vulnerable, like he was afraid I wouldn’t like him, when in life it’s the opposite.
The other dream was about a friend of mine. One whom I have actually kissed before. I dreamt I went to his house with my children. His mom took my kids outside to show off her yard (they love nature), and my friend asked me if he could talk to me in his room. I didn’t think anything of it and followed him in. He shut the door behind me, threw me into the wall, and kissed me like he was mad. He grabbed me, threw me on the bed, and then I woke up. Wtf? Not fair! Of course, this is another situation that would be unlikely to happen. Only because I can only dream about another kiss from him. Literally. (Yes, I realize I said his mom took my kids outside. He does live with his parents, they are elderly).
I don’t know what to do with myself. I shouldn’t even be having these dreams in the first place, but a huge part of me wishes that maybe one, or both, would really happen…… Right Now.
Even though both dreams involved the other person being in control of me, I am still very much obsessed. I guess sometimes I want to be thrown around, bit, scratched, teased, licked, spanked, and fucked like I did something wrong. I want bruises that show I was done right.



  1. Very nice

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